There are days where i feel i can get through this, and everything is going to be okay. The times where i feel like Dillon is just on a trip, away at college, or maybe even just playing a joke on us. So many times i have to give reality a second thought to make sure it is real. Lately i have not been feeling like anything is okay. I don’t think the pain will ever end, and my heart will never beat in the same way it did before Dillon passed away. It makes me so mad that now i have grown older than him, and that i am going through things in life that he would have appreciated, and enjoyed so much, but because of a tragedy he cannot. I always wonder why i cannot turn back time, and change that night, or see him one more time. We now have a new President, Barack Obama, who Dillon would have been so proud of, and i know he even knew about him before he passed, and was an instant fan. I feel so distant from Dillon now. As the time from the accident moves further and further away from me, as hard as it is, so does Dillon. The other day i had to think twice about what his voice sounded like exactly, what his touch felt like, and what his smell was like, where after the accident his voice was running through my head, and his smell and touch were so strong. The skies tonight were so beautiful and i was standing at the top of a hill over looking the ocean, while Jack Johnson played on my ipod. I got the chills. I believe so strongly that Dillon is still with us, and i always think about how when it rains really hard he must be sad about something, and when it shines he’s tanning on some beach in Mexico or something silly like that. I always think about how there are deceased people whose hearts have stopped beating, and then there’s Dillon’s heart and sole that will never end. If he would have lived a complete life, his heart and sole would have been enough to cover the world. I could talk forever about all the great qualities of Dillon Henry. His personal facebook, which was the one thing i still had to send him messages and comments on was deleted this week, and now i just feel so lost. I know facebook is such a stupid website, but somehow having Dillon up on it helped me so much sometimes. I miss his compassion, and presence so much, and the only reason why i am okay with dying one day is that i know i will be embraced by Dillon’s hugs and smiles at the gates of heaven. I love you Dillon.
